Sunday, July 15, 2007

Contemplations on why I dither

I had an epiphany on why I dither last night... Now, if I could just remember the thought process!

It went something like this. I get to a place where I need to make a decision, and can't quite decide. So, I dither, and ask everyone who will stand still to listen. And I usually still can't make a decision.

What's really going on? If I solve that, will I be able to "unstick" myself? It can be annoying to people to ask questions, and then not follow up. What if I get the reputation of never following through? (uh oh, shades of the childhood "What would the neighbors think??")

So. Am I dealing with the fear of "doing it wrong"? A bit. Plus a bit of not being able to think it all through logically, being overwhelmed by the choice. Oh, the psychic bell just went off, that ding ding ding clarion of truth-sounding. Yeah, I have a family history of Alzheimer's, both sides of the family, but I should still be able to work this out without annoying people, don't you think?

I know that I went through a lot of dithering, about a lot of stuff, when Chrystal died. After a couple of bouts, I recognized that it had to do with distracting myself from bad feelings, stress, and/or guilt. Whether or not all those feelings were justified.

Omphaloskepsis (om-fe-lo-skep’sis) is a synonym for navel-gazing. Which, in this context, seems like another dither strategy, doesn't it.


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